The time I was a Karen.

The time I was a Karen.
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Ugh, just writing that title put a knot in my stomach. Yep, one time on a very bad day that kept getting worse, I was a Karen. Today, I want to talk about the day I was a Karen.

It was over a year ago, you see, I was fighting with my spouse in the Am. Then my kids, then trying to get all these doctor appointments scheduled. Fight with insurance and social security for my son’s insurance. He has autism and is disabled. And his insurance from that covers everything! Anyways, I woke up late almost missed his ot appointment and then it got worse from there.

Did I mention that nothing was fitting me either that day and I bled through clothes?No? Well I did, thanks Aunt Irma.

I needed gas before going to a ENT appointment which ended up being cancelled and they forgot to call me and tell me. So I get home, checked my son’s account for his disability and saw a huge hold on his account for a lot of money. I about died. I used the money for the gas to go to and from all his appointments. And was upset that it happened. I called the company that ran his account. They said it looked like a fraud charge and told me to go back to the gas station and get the money back. So, I did.

I had my son with me, my other boy was with his dad(my husband) at another appointment. I went with my boy to the gas station already in a horrendous mood due to the shit storm that was my day. I went in the gas station and just lost my ever loving stupid bipolar mind.

I went up and talked to the cashier, I was not the nicest person. I was awful. I didn’t throw things though or break anything. No, I didn’t insult anyone. But I was angry. Angry that this all happened. The cashier told me that the hold is normal for some accounts then it will be released and blah blah blah. All my stupid brain heard was “you won’t get shit back” I was livid. And I went home. Furious that I was swindled damnit!

I got home, and called the card company again. I needed to double check. What if the woman was right? This also shows my meds were starting to work! Anyways, I called them and spoke with a different person and she clarified what was said and it was basically the same thing the cashier had told me. Oh. Uh oh. Well shit!

I felt horrible. I felt embarrassed. Humiliation was imminent. Should I go back and apologize? Would she even care? Everyone I knew said don’t worry about it. But, even today I still think about it. The day I was a Karen.

I think I will go and apologize if I see her. I owe her that. I feel bad still. So bad. And that it not a behavior I want my son to learn.

So yeah, I was a Karen. It sucks. But at least I can admit it.

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