Weight gain and weight loss. This is something I have been really struggling about for 4 years. Mentally this has been such a horrible thing. I want to be how I was but healthy, I don’t want to be super super skinny. But, I don’t want to be uncomfortable either. I want to be fit.
I am tired of this nothing happening.
I look at myself in outfits like this and yes it is so comfy, so very comfy but it also reminds me of how much I am trying to hide. I am trying to hide my body that I view as gross. I know I should honor it, I know it has done so much for me. However, I still have disdain for it. I shouldn’t but I do. I was never around people who were confident in who they are or how they looked. When I was growing up models were that anorexic thin. I grew up around someone who was obsessed with her weight. Jobs where women were obsessed with weight loss. And you pick up on that like a damn sponge. I grew up thinking weight was bad, chunky body is bad and diet pills are good.
The body positive movement has definitely helped me start to heal. Start to accept myself. This does not fix the fact that I still am a bit spiteful to myself. I started to exercise every day. Well recently, I am not feeling well enough to do so. No thanks to covid! But, anyways the diet culture still has a long way to go. Influencers still promote the skinny teas and such. And we people with poor self esteem and body image buy it up and buy it all.
I hope that one day I can look in a mirror and say wow..look at me. I am fabulous .