Ok, it is time for some relationship advice and things like that. And one thing, that is something I see a lot of reels on or memes of is cleaning.
The status being “anyone else get mad at everyone in the house when you start cleaning?” The answer is in short, yes. Especially, for moms. We get very mad a lot of the times when we are cleaning the house. Many reasons behind this, there are many many reasons.
Ok, so for many moms right now, many work. They go to work, they come home, but their jobs are not done. They have to take care of the kids, the pets, cook the dinners, take the laundry to where it needs to be, and then get the kids ready to go to bed. All this while taking their spouse or partners needs whatever they may be in to consideration. Most of the time ignoring their own needs.
For us who are with the kids all day, it is all day with the kids and being a taxi service for all the therapies and such. I am a special needs mom, and a mom who has her own special needs. At night we still never stop and have often do things alone.
So now when the weekend comes and it is either Saturday or Sunday, whichever is your clean the house day, we get a bit irritated.You see all the messes made by the other people living in the home. The kids and the spouse and such. You look around and think not only do you try to keep this shit up all week, you basically have a huge task ahead. It is over whelming. For me, who has ADHD as well as other stuff I get flustered by how much I know I will be distracted by when cleaning. Even with a list, I get side tracked. Mind you, many of us are doing this alone. House full of people and we are doing all the damn work.
I love my family, we all do. Which is why we all do the things we have to do. We should not have to ask a thousand times for you to take out the trash. But we do, then go a head and do it ourselves rather than wait on you to get up and do it. Or after asking one or two or three times we scream because maybe then we will be heard. This, before some say “well what are you doing?” EVERYTHING. We are doing it all and it is exhausting. If we yell ” TAKE OUT THE TRASH PLEASE!” will you finally get up and do it?
We don’t want it to be this way, we don’t. But, when we entered into this relationship we expected some sharing of responsibilities. And often it is one sided. Asking her, “Hey I did this, so what do I get in return?” How about nothing. You get nothing. This is your house too. What do I get? What do we as women doing all this work get? Is this not your house?Are these not your kids too? Whether Bialogically, adopted, fostered..etc.
You do not get a prize for you doing basic housework. Things she does every damn day without notice. Things that when she gets sick explode into uncontrollable chaos that it takes months to get back into order. She gets no recognition for it. None. But you want that. You want that for yourself because you finally did a load of laundry, a load of dishes.You didn’t put them away, but you did start the washer. You did wash a pot. So for that you think you deserve things. You don’t. Because she still had to go into the kitchen to wipe the counters and clean the cabinets and scrub the floor. She still had to organize the pantry again for the 5th time that week. She still had to take out the laundry from the drier and fold it all and put it all away. But you, know you did start that washer machine.
You can not also not expect her to be in the “mood” because of that “hard work” you did. Nope. She is probably so dead ass tired from cleaning a house all day that the last thing she wants is sex. READ THE ROOM. Do not grope, do not grab, you give her that tv remote, the iPad, give her a snack, and order door dash. It is a do not approach zone guys. She does not owe you sexual shit because you folded 1 towel or gave 1 child a bath. She does not owe you her body, period.
Never mind the fact if kids are there she still has to take care of them. Honestly, you need to help. She needs it. If you see her scrubbing the bathrooms on her hands and knees, go in that kitchen and clean it! Help her out by having the kids help you pick up toys. Do not only pick up your things, you are not a 10 year old refusing to clean sibling crap. This is your partner, your wife. And you need to pick up the slack. And asking to help when she is clearly done is bullshit and you know it. For too long have we had to do it all. It is to the point for many women, that if they have to do all that and still have to do more why do they need you? What do you bring to the table? When she is the Gods Damned Table.
You want her undivided attention but you won’t assist in the day to day. You say I work, but fail to realize that if she was working she would be responsible for all of that and then more. And all on some or little sleep.
This is why we get mad when we are cleaning. This is why we yell, and this right here is why so many end their relationships. They feel unappreciated. They feel used. They feel like their partner is lazy. They want to be noticed that they are doing a job that doesn’t pay. I think that is why so many women want Valentine’s Day nonsense. Because they want appreciation. Mother’s Day, they want appreciation. And are often times not.
This is why we yell, this is why we get angry when cleaning.
Thanks for reading.