If there was a holiday where I could skip it due to every year of disappointment since childhood it would be this pain of holiday. A holiday that makes it even worse with social media being involved.
As a kid, every year was a stressful anxiety filled day. First buying the cardsand then labeling them. I often had trouble remembering names. Then the trouble of no one actually wanting Valentine’s from me.And no one wanting to give me one. Because no one liked me really. The memories flood back every year,the depression set’s in.
One time stands out when I was passing the out and I had to make sure the cards to the boys in class were just basic. Because if it seemed like I liked anyone, I would get picked on and bullied. Then I put wrong names on the cards. I gave a boy his card and he didn’t wat one at all from me. And there were several classmates who didn’t want to give me a single card. Going as far as to argue with the teacher right next to my desk about it. I got home threw everything away and cried alone.
As I got older it was harder to deal with. And then as a young woman and then married woman I thought it would be better. It wasn’t. Still not good enough for a Valentine’s Day gift ot card. No flowers and flowers I get (for me from me) I have another task of cutting them myself and such. I hate this day so much! Hate. Yes, I am bitter. I get to see the most magical days on everyone else’s feeds. And I don’t get any of that. Not unless I do for me. Mother’s Day rivals it. My husband mocked me one year for buying myself flowers because no one else does. Yeah that made me feel so good. Fuck Valentine’s Day.