Feeling blue. Regression with Trichotillomania.

I feel like it is so weird being the week of Thanksgiving. I swear it feels like we just had halloween. Maybe that is why in the last post I was wearing Halloween stuff. Or a tee rather. I look into my living room and my tree is on and although no ornaments, it looks so beautiful. Friday, it will be decorate decorate decorate. It is my family tradition to decorate on Black Friday. I hate shopping on that day. It seems to bring out the worse in people and I haven’t the time for that.

I think too, the whole stress of impending Holidays, I have been really, and I mean really pulling at my hair. Every where I look, there it is. My hair on the floor in little pieces. Pieces that I have pulled out or broken. Or even split in half from the split ends. Trust me, not a good look. And I feel so self conscious about it.

I stopped wearing my wigs for a while, but you may have noticed a comeback.  I can not go a day without them lately. If I do, I pull out or break and destroy my hair. Trichotillomania is not ok, it is bad. We don’t want to do it, but we do. I guess I was hoping my new meds for my bipolar disorder would help with that. I don’t think it is. Which makes me sad and full of more anxiety.

I hate being this way. I hate that I do this to myself. And NO I can not “just stop”. It doesn’t work that way. I also have been put to task to get a talk therapist or psychotherapist as part of my treatment. Trying to find a therapist again is rough. I hate talking on the phone but it looks like I need to so I can find one on my network. Isn’t insurance fun? No. I hope I can call them up and find that my old therapist is now in network. Fingers crossed right?

The dress I have on is by Selkie. Again I love these dresses! I feel so EXTRA! I am past the point of caring what people think of how I dress. Wish I felt that way about everything.

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