Dealing with body image issues.still.

Dealing with body image issues.still.
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I look at this photo and I see a beautiful lady sitting in a Herve Leger dress . And then it hits me I see all the flaws. The imperfect skin, the rolls due to having kids and being unable to loose the weight as well as diastasis reci, my horrible hair. I could go on and on. this lets me know I am dealing with body image issues, still.

For those of you who don’t know, I am recovering from an eating disorder. It is not a fun experience. So in one sitting I can be like this is a gorgeous outfit and I look amazing! And then a second later be like shit look at those rolls. Gross.And then the eating disorder comes in and tells me to skip two meals..and then the cycles start over. Vicious and cruel.

And what doesn’t help is other’s pointing out flaws too. People in your inner circle. My husband actually. We were out shopping and saw some mannequins which had massive breasts and were instagram skinny. We were amazed by the busty barbies and then he said “ Hey, you used to look like that.” IF that is not the shittiest thing to say to your wife, well it is one of them. I was hurt, I made a sound of pain. And then he tried to dig out of the hole. “I meant the boobs, you used to have them like that and then you LOST weight…”

That did not make it better. It reminded me still of pre-baby body and post 1 baby body. And how I detest my post 2 baby body.

Detest is a hard word, but it is what it is. I do not always look in the mirror and think DAMN I look great. Sorry, I don’t. IT is not as often as it used to be. Healing is a process. And then there are days,of course, where I do feel fine as hell.

I put on this dress after I rummaged through my closet. And remembered why I loved this beautiful Herve Leger bandage dress. Yeah, every house wife on the realty show has worn one at least once or twice. I got this one and the other second hand on the real real. Still it is a beautiful dress and does fit well. I felt confident and looked great !

In retrospect I think I need to be kinder to myself, my body carried two kids and has been through a lot of health issues these many years. And I need to tell myself “ You are loved, I love me, you are strong and worthy” When is that last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and was kind to you?

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