Beach day and crazy kids

I love taking my kids to the beach. I love it! But man oh man this time they were really pushing it with the whole not listening to parental units.

You see both my boys are autistic. And beach days can be a hectic time for us. They get excited and run off. As most children do, I mean come on it is the beach. The beach is truly a magical place! Do you think ancient civilizations had beach days? These are the questions that randomly pop into my head. Anyways, many kids understand that they need to watch where they are going. Many kids have a sense of what danger is. Mine do not.

Many parents get the relaxing time at some point in a beach visit. We do not. From the moment out of the car to the moment we leave it is go go go. Non stop running, telling them to be careful, yelling to stay nearby, yelling to not go far out. Yelling because the calmly telling them was not working after 500 times. The undertow (riptide)was really strong that day on top of everything.

I think next time we go to the beach I am bringing the baby fencing. Why? Because it doesn’t seem fair that when one child acts out and such we should punish both by leaving the beach entirely. So one kid can be in time out thus giving said parent a break while the other rests. It seems like a great plan to me. Although I feel my husband will feel like it is too much crap to drag. He doesn’t pack anything anyways, I do it all. But after talking to my son’s helpers and therapists we all agreed that maybe it is a good idea to do just that! Bring on the baby fencing. It is a plastic fence that is a big square. I mean big! And that way we can have some sort of peace for a little while. It is so hard when you have rambunctious autistic littles who have so much joy and excitement for something like the beach and yet have no clue at the same time how dangerous something can be. So it is up to the adults to be that bridge for the gap of understanding. It is exhausting. I love it but damn I get tired. I never get a day off. Ever.

There was also something else about the beach that day. I did not feel great about my body. Ugh. I felt like a blubber whale walking on the beach. I do not have the greatest self esteem and suffer from body dysmorphia ( on top of all the other shit)

I look at these pictures and see a gross person. I look at these pictures and see my diastasis. I feel so bleh. It honestly hurts.

I look at these and feel like honestly I have no right to be in a bikini like this. And man that is painful to see myself write. Depressing isn’t it. I do not feel good about myself. It happens so often. All I see are flaws. And when I saw others looking at me when I was walking around I felt they all were seeing what I saw. A blobby mess. by the time we got home after my 3 yr old tantrum over leaving due to him misbehaving and not listening to either of us. We all showered and we all fell asleep. Goodness. What a day.

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