I have trichotillomania which is a shit disorder where you pull out your hair and it isn’t a fun thing to have. You get bald patches. It affects you mental state. It can drive others around you nuts due to their lack of understanding or whatever. And that is where this post takes me well, and you since you are reading with me.
Wig wearing as a form of aide
I started to wear extensions years ago to help me with hair pulling. It helped but my hair was thinning and such so it was it was painful to wear. I also wanted to have colored hair, and got tired of how bleaching damaged my already ravaged hair. That is when after tons of research and instagram stalking other trichotillomania accounts, I noticed they all mentioned wigs as a form of therapy. So, I order the wigs from Litunicorns and waited for my delivery. When I first got my wigs I was nervous. I YouTubed how to wear them, how to pluck them, and how to care for them. But that was not why I was nervous*takes sip of vinum* . I was nervous because I didn’t know how my husband was going to be about them. How he would react. Mind you it is for my mental health that I wear them. It is to keep my hands off my real hair!
Dealing with Disapproval
He did not like it. He did not know what to fully think at first glance.“ I like your natural hair “ he would say. Believe me, so do I, but I can not stop myself. And no matter how many times you tell me to stop destroying my beautiful hair , it doesn’t work! If it were that easy I would have stopped a long time ago. But I have done this since I was a freshman in high school. It isn’t easy. Any way, I explained to him that I need this to help me. It is just fake hair! The wigs could help my hair grow back! He claimed he understood. But recently he has made it known even more that he doesn’t like my wigs. Because it is a “facade!” He said it was as if I was trying to be someone I am not. That I was putting up a facade. Never mind the fact it is just hair! Not even real hair. He should have been happy I may have found a solution to my problem. Instead I was left feeling guilty for having them, and almost apologetically. I didn’t feel I could wear them anymore and almost like I was not allowed. The confidence I get from them and I leave my real hair be. But disapproval was met with my disappointment. Disappointment in him and myself.
What to do about it?
Well, I remind him why and I go about my business. I wear them (wigs) because I want and need to. It is more than fake hair to change up a look. It is a therapeutic tool for me. I am trying here to handle my mental health and I feel like people don’t want me to succeed, is that just being paranoid? I put the wig on today for the first time in a bit, I realized that I need this for me. Not him. It is my mental health and my hair and my head. I acknowledge his feelings and understand them, trust me. But as women do we really need approval? Is it that ingrained into our self consciousness from the old days of paterfamilias? The days where women were viewed as less and property? Is it a horrible curse on some of us that we need to break?
“Who are you getting dressed up for?”
Me, that is who. Me. And you should get dressed for you too! We need to stop seeking approval of others . Period. End of story.